Michelle Carey

Author || Blogger || Podcaster || Screenwriter || Poet

Copyright © 1998 - 2019, Michelle S Carey. Sunrai Multimedia, LLC. All rights reserved.

Filtering by Tag: understanding

I wonder...

I’ve been listening to this book titled - Same Souls, Many Bodies by Brian L. Weiss.

The basis of the book is about how we have one soul that reincarnates into many bodies over and over again on this earthly plane. The premise is that our souls will continue to come back to this earthly plane to learn lessons about love and compassion. So in each lifetime, we have the same lesson as we did in the previous lifetime. And that we travel in soul packs, so in one lifetime, my mother could have been my daughter, my husband, or even my father. Our souls can be many things at different times. But the important thing is to recognize the life lesson we are too learn.

I think my life lesson is to not stress about money and materialism. I have a lot of things. And I’m so tired of being a consumer. Like do I really need all of these things. I’ve been taking stock in things that don’t cost anything and it doesn’t mean I will have a tangle item. Being happy that I’m in this moment, writing this blog post. That means a lot.

My grandfather passed away six years ago today. I wonder what his soul is doing. Did he learn the lesson(s) he needed to progress to the next evolution of his soul… I hope he did….that would be so nice. If not, I wonder how our paths will cross again….and if they do, let’s hope he’s on the path to compassion and love.

Be compassionate. Be understanding. Be kind…

BE FREE….

~MC

I'm Ok | Filling the void

So my mother thought something was SERIOUSLY wrong with me when she read my previous blog post. lol 

I'm ok. 

When I write my blogs, I write for the feelings I'm having at that moment in time. Yesterday I was feeling stuck. Today I'm feeling knowledgeable about a situation that had been affecting me. But this is how I am. Whatever mood I'm in is whatever presents itself in my blog on that day I decide to write. 

This is why this is the REAL TALK BLOG. Nothing fake or phony about where I'm coming from.  The raw me...on that day and time...you get what you get when you get it.  :-) 

I realized that yesterday's blog made me understand that I'm in need of filling a void.  Purchasing two additional cars to the one I already own is my way of filling a void I have in my life. I had also made a decision that I wanted to move to a single family home. I have a lovely home. But now I want more...this is all to fill a void.  But in actuality this void cannot be filled with materialistic items. All that does it make it worse and I'll just want more. And giving myself more won't help with what ultimately ails me. 

I know what that void is. Companionship. I guess after being in so many dead end relationships one begins to wonder what's wrong with me? And I realized after speaking to my kindred soul sister that NOTHING is wrong with me...I just need to understand where I am in life and where I want to go and how this journey is not about these dead end relationships but it's about me. It's about me seeing things for what they really are and NOT how I want them to be. 

I'm taking off my rose colored glasses. 

Her words and the words of my wonderful mother helped to sooth me. I'm still trying to figure out who I am lol because I'm about to go on the most powerful journey one could ever take and that's the journey of transformation in understanding, patience and kindness. 

I am learning about how life does not revolve around me....that there is something greater out there and I should be apart of it.  It's about how I have to understand and accept where people are. 

It's time to accept, appreciate and atone. 

Kindness fills my heart. 

 

Be free....

 

 

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.

Something is WICKED | Who the hell am I? | Mid-Life Crisis

This is crazy....I'm moving actively and passionately to pay off all my credit cards and loans so I can purchased TWO....not one additional...but TWO additional cars. Mind you...I have a really nice car...but now I want to get my Mercedes Benz truck back. I traded it in for the car I have now....and I also want a sports car...I want a Z. Have I loss my mind? What in the world and why in the world do I need or want to own THREE CARS!!!!!!

This has to be a symptom of SOMETHING....  This "something" is a wicked entity...and I know it to be true! 

I'd like to think that I love myself. But today is one of those days I'm doubting it. Maybe...perhaps I don't know what real true self love is all about. At this moment I really can't define it. I'm at a loss for words for what I think it is or knowing how to go about obtaining it.  

If I don't love me, who will? And if I don't love me...do I even know who I am and that's why I don't love myself? 

I'm searching for something. Something meaningful perhaps?  Something is missing in my life. Something that would turn this all around. I'm not saying that this "something" is something that is outside of me....it's definitely INSIDE of me. I'm not sure if it's supposed to come out or stay in to fulfill me . Hell, I don't even know what it is.  But it's just one of things I know is not there - I think...or maybe it is there, but laying dormant waiting for me to move it to fruition. 

I think I'm more confused about life than ever...is this my mid-life crisis? Is this the beginning of it? I find myself being very confused about which way I'm supposed to go.....I have no direction....sorta....This has nothing to do with being a writer. I see that clearly. I know I am built to write. HOWEVER...there is "something" in the way of making this happen to the fullest of possibilities. SOMETHING is not allowing me to move forward. 

Right now...I'm not feeling this "SOMETHING" entity. I feel this "SOMETHING" in my mind...in my heart....under my feet. I want this "SOMETHING" to show me that it is EVERYTHING...or NOTHING

Why am I stuck? Am I really stuck? Or do I just THINK that I am stuck?

What is missing? Is SOMETHING missing? Or do I just THINK something is missing?

Does it have anything to do with self love/self hatred? Do I really love me or do I love what I think I have become? What's the difference? Or do I really dislike me...and I want to change that but can't figure out how?

Have I been pretending all my life?

Do I even know who I am?

Have I been living with a stranger all these years and now I'm being confronted with the reality of really getting to know me? 

Who is the person that types these blog posts? 

I have little understanding of who I am these days....and SOMETHING knows that....