Michelle Carey

Author | Screenwriter | Poet | Podcaster

Copyright © 1998 - 2018, Michelle S Carey. Sunrai Multimedia, LLC. All rights reserved.

What's up with those high achieving black women? I need some understanding....

On Facebook I posted an article titled: Marriage eludes high-achieving black women - it was from MSNBC - Marriage eludes high-achieving black women - Sexploration - msnbc.com

The article was an interesting read - here is one comment I received on Facebook in particular that got to thinking about my next blog post. It's by one of my high school classmates.

Colette Harrod I just don't get it... if you have no job and/or a bunch of babies, you're a gold-digging lazy baby mama. If you're accomplished, you're a no-man-needin', overachievin', border-lined lesbian... somebody pls help a sista understand!!!

Her comment is so true. It would seem that sistas have been boxed into these categories...we are either a bunch of baby mamas, gold diggers, angry black women, lesbians if we don't have a man...yada yada yada.... Why o why is this so necessary? Really people?

I am one of those high achieving black women. I have wondered if this has stopped me from having a progressive, thoughtful, loving, caring, respectful relationship with a BLACK man...would a white man care about my achievements?

I often wondered where I fit in the social aspect of relationships since a good one has escaped me.

It just seems to me that SOME men...not all men - have this EGO and it must be protected at all cost...some men...they like those women that don't have much so they can hold it over her head...and just as soon as she begins to pick herself up...dude is shooting her down - all to make himself feel better...then there are the ones that LOVE to have an over achieving woman, so he can lay back in the cut and do nothing....let her work her ass off and he can reap the benefits of her hard work.

But being high achieving black women didn't stop me from having relationship issues when I was in a relationship. for me.

I have two daughters. But I don't consider myself a "baby mama".
I am not a gold digger...I dug for all my gold on my own! lol :-)
I am not angry. I don't suffer from the angry black woman syndrome. Here's a robust search on that topic: http://is.gd/2ic4k
I'm not a lesbian.

Here are some key statements made in the article...do you think they are true?

1. “marriage chances for highly educated black women have declined over time relative to white women.”

2. contrary to old media reports, most educated, professional women who want to marry can and do marry. But the picture is less bright for high-achieving black women because “marriage markets” for them have deteriorated to the point that many remain unmarried, the researchers found.

3.
“Their marriage chances have declined,” Brueckner explained. “This may sound trivial but one reason is that they outnumber men in this education group.” The disparity in education is important because Americans have a strong tendency to marry those with equal levels of education, a trend that has only grown stronger since World War II. “So since there are fewer men with the same education,” Brueckner continued, “you either have to find another group you can marry or you are out of luck. You have nowhere to go.”

4. Highly educated black men tend to “outmarry” (marry outside race, religion or ethnicity) at a higher rate than black women, researchers say. Think of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates or Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Both married white women.

5. Black women are either much more reluctant to marry outside their race, or do not have the opportunity to do so.

6. But it may also be true that even highly educated black women who are willing and able to pursue a relationship with a man of another race won’t have the opportunity. A sociological line of inquiry called “exchange theory” suggests that in the piggy bank of goods each of us brings to a possible relationship — money, smarts, sense of humor, looks, family background, education, gender — African heritage is devalued compared with European or Asian heritage. African-American females, even with lots of education, do not fetch as much “value” in the marriage market.

As an educated black woman, I see the disparities - I know my friends who are educated single black women see and feel it too. There is a much larger pool of women for men to choose from and I do believe that the black woman is the last on the list to be chosen. This is of course is not meant to be taken as a blanket statement - everyone has different experiences...this is my perception of the situation from my experiences and observations. Black women are competing for the affections of Black men with white, Asian, and Hispanic women. While we (Black women) are not the first choice of men who are white, Asian, and Hispanic. The scale is unbalanced.

I am seriously sitting here trying to rationalize this...for men...is it the achievements or is it more about race than the achievements? Why are more high achieving black women without husbands? I have been bothered by this question for years. Is it the women or is it the men? What is the problem and moreover what's the solution?

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