Michelle Carey

Author | Screenwriter | Poet | Podcaster

Copyright © 1998 - 2019, Michelle S Carey. Sunrai Multimedia, LLC. All rights reserved.

Woodrow Wilson Class of 1989 my retrospect 20 years later....

So I almost didn't attend my 20th high school reunion. It all started
from some simple madness. When I found out about the NING website that
was set up for the Class of '89 I was all gun ho. I wanted to see people
I hadn't seen in a long time. That was around October/November 2008. I
was all set to attend. I had never attended any of the other reunions.
They were happening about every five years it would seem. I wrestled
with the idea of attending.

The fact of the matter is I didn't like high school. The social aspect
of school was miserable. Doing the school work was out of sync of me
wanting to be more social, so needless to say I struggled on occasion.
I never really felt I found my niche in high school. My home life was
good, but my mother was a single mom having to deal with my brother who
was physically challenged. In high school I always felt like I was
drowning. I felt like I didn't belong in one group of friends, so
traveled in different circles. This even prompted me to stop taking the
Metro and I started taking the bus all the way to school and
back...while the friends I grew up with still rode the Metro.

I'd say the friends I was extremely close with I had known since I was
elementary school. After we graduated Shepherd Elementary, we went in
different directions, I was a part of the Hardy Hawk crew LMAO...while
others went to Jefferson or Deal...in the end we all found ourselves
back together at Wilson. But our social circles had changed and grown.

So coming from a single parent family, I had this undercover enviousness
of the girls who could rock the designer bags/clothes, thick gold
chains, yada yada yada (My mother wasn't purchasing NONE of that! I
could forget it! lol)....the 80s was a time as Gordon Gecko would say
"GREED IS GOOD"...and the mess filtered down right into the Black
community - materialistic things were amass and plentiful - thanks to
Reagan's energy of individuality is best.........I remember the hot cute
boys with the latest gear and what not. Awwww man how many cool points
would an average girl like myself could have gotten to be with one of
the "in" boys? High school was a major pressure cooker for a young
impressionable mind...And it was this mind that I had been looking at
the reunions - those rose colored glasses....like these people were
going to be the same....yes...truly...this is what I was thinking. I
thought the materialistic stuff made the people and I wanted to be made
more like that when I was in school. Ha, I even saved my money from
working to purchase a pair of $75 EKs....and those were on the cheap
end...I didn't have the ones with the snake skin! This shit is stupid. lol

I also didn't want to attend because after 20 years you wonder if people
think you should have done more with your life, how much weight did I
regain after I lost a good portion of it, did I age well or bad....
Career, Marriage, Children etc....so I asked my on again/off again ex to
attend with me. I asked him nine (9) months ahead of schedule. He
accepted....but as usual when it came to time to pony up - sorry ass
(&(^(&{)#&)&@^(#&)${@&$(@ wasn't there when I needed him the most. I had
waited until the LAST day of the EARLY BIRD special to purchase my
ticket. I contemplated all day on that day...should I go, should I not
go...so a couple of hours before the early bird was to end, I purchased
the ticket. Just one ticket. I felt uneasy. I really wanted to be
escorted to the reunion - just in case no one remembered me and then I'd
have someone to chill with. LOL....I'd make the most out of lemons...

I had stopped going to the personal website set up for the Class of 1989
around the end of December/January. I just checked my email for
updates....I stayed off of Facebook for a while...I was mostly on
Twitter. The months passed - the rest of May....then June (my beloved
Michael Jackson passed) and my world changed...lol...seriously...at that
point I just didn't care. I was worried about nonsense...what's to
worry when you had a person like Michael Jackson who was raked over the
coals and scrutinized for EVERY decision, EVERY move, EVERY thought - he
made....and he took it in stride and STILL did his own thing...with his
colorless skin, nose issues, wig wearing, being accused of be a
pedophile...the whole nine....the attention he received (still receives
in death) is on another level that I could NEVER imagine...and I was
worried about some people I really hadn't seen in 20 years! OMG!!!!!
Where was my mind!?! lol

However, I went and it was NOTHING like I thought it would be. I didn't
need my ex. lol OMG...if he had attended I would have been mad...cause
he would have been cramping style! lol I reconnected with friends from
elementary school and I forged new friendships....I think what really
made my entire weekend was when someone I didn't know in high
school...one of our Latinas...said to me "I remember you" - WHAT?! I was
shocked....I was thinking how could she have remembered me when I felt
like I never did anything in high school that was worth remembering.

The is a prime example of how our
preconceptions/misconceptions/perceptions and our inner insecurities
wreak havoc on our lives. But truly the only way to combat this is to

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page and my
ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers

Jeffers discusses the crippling effects of fear in her personal life and
explains how she formulated a course of action for conquering it. Her
answers are simple, her course of action difficult only because it
requires courage. She explains how fear is based on the uncertainty of
change and the lack of positive self image. She avoids psychological
lingo, and includes many case studies about careers and changes in
personal life both of which are beginning to cause anxiety in many
teens. Her message is reassuring: choices are not opportunities to make
mistakes, but valid paths to growth, whichever path we take. She
addresses the fundamental cause of fear the belief that ``I can't handle
it!'' Feel the Fear is an important book, for while some young people
are more crippled by insecurity that others, many do believe that the
path to adulthood is fraught with dangers. Fear is doubtlessly a
handicap with which they must learn to cope. /Jennifer John Reavis,
Episcopal High School, Bellaire/
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc.
All rights reserved.

The Road less Traveled by M. Scott Peck
*A classic self help, spiritual discovery book*, July 18, 2003
The book opens with the words "Life is difficult." Once you accept that,
it becomes a lot easier!

But most of us don't accept that. We think if we do things the right
way, or if other people would, then eventually life would become easier.
Our material needs will be met, love will bloom forever, bad things
won't happen to us, and life will unfold according to our individual
needs and wishes.

Guess again. If you're constantly trying hard and finding life to be a
major disappointment, you may find comfort and practical help in the
reading and re-reading of this book.

Peck writes in an easy to read, easy to understand manner, writing of
his life and that of many of his own patients. He begins with a section
on Discipline; the next is on Love; then Growth and Religion; closing
(how appropriately) with Grace.

When first I read this, in my mid-twenties, (living life in what one of
my 'friends' called Life in the Breakdown Lane) the sections didn't look
like they'd offer anything to help me. Discipline was something I wanted
to act out against, not find solace in. The section on Love, I was
disappointed to find, did NOT provide any instructions on how to find a
knight on a white horse. Growth and Religion seemed some kind of a
paradox to me, and I was sure that Grace was nothing more than a name I
wished I had.

But within those Sections I have again and again(at different levels)
found peace of mind through solutions that at first I didn't fully
understand, but came to believe in -- for anyone looking for help in
improving their lives, from a non-dogmatic, non-fundamentalist point of
view, I'd strongly recommend this book.

Read it, learn from it, and just as happens to the bunny in the
children's book, The Velveteen Rabbit, you'll find yourself becoming
more alive, and more 'real.'

I'd also encourage the reading of Sheldon Kopp's "If You Meet the Buddha
on the Road, Kill Him" and (if you're looking for some comic relief,
always good when stressed) watch "Groundhog Day."

This is truly a gem of a book (though I haven't liked many others of his).